It's been a while since I've written in this blog. To be honest, I haven't decided yet if this is something that I can commit to. I have a bit of a discipline problem and this is one of it's victims.
I just got back from Monterey, CA, where I spent Christmas with my mother's side of the family. I had a terrific time for the most part, spent some quality time with my family, and only took part in a couple of arguments (my family members are all very...how shall I call it? Opinionated?
Anyway, as the New Year is approaching, I can't help but think of the many things that I need to do to regain control over my life. I've always felt like I've been on autopilot and lately I've been disappointed in myself for not taking the reins of my own life and doing with it what I truly want. So 2009 is the year...for starters, my resolutions:
1) Create a budget (and TRY to stick to it) 2) Cut my credit card debt (no more adding to it) 3) Lose 10 lbs by the summer (ideally 15, but...baby steps) 4) Figure out what to do career wise, and if that means find a new job, then so be it 5) Get a hobby (ie. stop being so lazy!) 6) Learn discipline!
Well, that's it, for starters. Sometimes I think I havent quite accepted that I'm an adult...and at 27, I'm starting to run out of excuses.
Well, the days are getting shorter, the breeze cooler. I have to say, as much as I am a bonafide beach bum, I cant help but like this slow transition period before the fall. I just wish I could enjoy it a bit more.
I feel like I've been going non stop and I can't seem to catch up on weekends. The beginning of the month was exhausting with back-to-back trips to Montreal (to see my bro) and to nyc for an awsome, but oh-so-short reunion with some of my oldest friends.
I'm so looking forward to October 10th. Getting on that plane and flying to Paris is all I've been looking forward to for ages!! I'm SO excited. I'm going to see some of my oldest friends from the Philippines, including one that I havent seen for about 10years!
After a couple of days in Paris, the boy and I will be driving down through the Loire Valley, stopping in Blois and Amboise to visit the surrounding castles. I've been dying to do this for ages!!
Then I get to go visit my grandma - I havent seen her in about 3 years and I definately owe her this visit. She lives all by herself and I should be better at visiting her...especially given her age.
We'll end our trip in Germany, visiting the my boy's "family" - very old friends in Wurzburg.
Definately not enough time to do all we want to do, but I'm so glad that we are getting a chance to take some time off for us!
I'm so stressed - and when I'm stressed, I can't function. So you can imagine how awful work has been this last couple of weeks.
All I can do is think of escaping - which is generally what happens when I start to feel this way.
I'm off to Montreal for Labor Day! I'm so excited, I'm going to get to see my brother whom I haven't seen since Xmas. It's one of my favorite cities in the world. In fact, I would live there in a second if it wasn't so frigid during the winter months. It's a piece of Europe in the North America. I hear Quebec City is even better, but I haven't had a chance to get up there.
Anyway, its crazy, I leave on saturday morning, which should feel like soon, but all I see between now and then is more work than I have time to do! YUCK!
8 days ago, one of my closest friends passed away. She was 27 years old. I am still in shock...Its the strangest thing, realizing your mortality and that of our loved ones so early on in life. She wasn't sick, she had a brain aneurysm. And that was that. No time to plan for it, no time to ready yourself for the loss -- she was just gone, from one day to the next. Life is a little bit duller. And yet, we've had beautiful days the last couple of days here. When I look outside the window, I see everyone going about their day as though this huge loss didnt happen. Thats when I realize how small we all are in this big world and how little we know about those around us. How many times have I sat next to someone in the metro without knowing they were suffering the agony of having lost someone close to them. We all need to start caring more, as a people. We all need to let those we love know how much they mean to us, because no one knows how long they will be in our lives. Nor do we know how long we will be in ours. And stop smoking -- its one of the causes of brain aneurysms, and its just stupid.
I really need to create a budget. I'm a shopaholic, I can't deny it, and I love eating out....and I have no discipline.
Ugh...how can I motivate to actually create a budget (which in and of itself seems exhausting to me) and then actually stick to it.
My problem is that no matter what is on my budget, I'll still buy plane tickets that I can't afford ... and shoes that i can't afford ... and well...pretty much everything else that I want that I can't afford.
One of my oldest and dearest friends has just accepted a job in the US! She lives in France right now, and we haven't lived in the same country since we were 17 years old!! Its been 10 years!
She is moving to Hoboken, or Manhatten, depending on where she decides she wants to live (her office will be in Hoboken).
Of course, it's just my luck, as I'm deciding to move to the West Coast, she decides to move to the East Coast. Lucky for me though, she is arriving in October, and if all goes according to plan, I won't be moving to San Fran until next year around this time.
I think I found the company I want to work for. I actually even found a job that I think would be a great fit for me. Unfortunately, I'm a year early in my job search. What should I do? I think I will start searching in earnest around Spring '09. Since I'm sure it will take both the boy and I a while to find jobs.
I've always had a strange love affair with France. For one. Its my country. I was raised a proper french girl, in a proper French School (though in the Philippines) where I learned proper British English (I still spell colour the british way). However, I've never lived in France for more than a few weeks at a time.
I've spent the last 9 years of my life living in North America. When I first moved to the States when I was 18, I had never identified with being American (my mother is american). People noticed that, although I had an american accent, I didnt quite...fit in.
Like I said, its been 9 years, 7 in the States, 2 in Vancouver and I must say, I now fit in just fine...except for my nagging urge to move ALL THE TIME.
A friend of mine that I've known since we were about 2 years old, who now lives in Hong Kong, is about to move back to Paris. She and I went to the french school together, and instead of going to college in the States like I did, she chose to go to France. I cant help but feel a pang of jelousy. Not just because she is moving to Paris...but because she chose the European and international route when we graduated high school, while I chose the US route.
I dont regret it per se. Its just that I always wanted to be an expat, live in Europe and Asia...I never planned on staying here longer than the 4 years of college...and yet here I am.
Not sure where this rant is going. I suppose I cant help but think a lot lately about the choices I've made in my life, and whether or not they were the right ones.